"Its
been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell
off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the
bathroom."
Nobody
notices what I do, until I don’t do it.
A guy at work went in for a competition and won a trip to
China. He's out there now...trying to win a trip back!
-- Jerry Dennis
-- Jerry Dennis
Join The Army, Visit exotic
places, meet strange people, then kill them.
“A drunk mans words are a sober man's thoughts.”
--Steve Fergosi
--Steve Fergosi
To alcohol... The cause of, and solution to, all of life's
problems.”
--Homer Simpson
--Homer Simpson
Women will never be as successful as men because they have
no wives to advise them.
Dick Van Dyke
Dick Van Dyke
Trying is just the first step toward failure.
- Homer Simpson
- Homer Simpson
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become
President; I'm beginning to believe it.
- Clarence Darrow
- Clarence Darrow
Virginity is like bubble: one prick, all gone!
Children in the backseat cause accidents; accidents in the
backseat cause children
An old friend will help you move.
A good friend will help you move a dead body. ~ Jim Hayes
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
The most wasted of all days is that in which we have not laughed.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
The most wasted of all days is that in which we have not laughed.
Sébastien Roch Nicolas
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems
like an hour.
Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.
THAT'S relativity.
Albert Einstein
Albert Einstein
"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could
buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"
Homer J Simpson
5 Joy to the World. M.D House.
Whitney: Aren't there other ways I could get pregnant,
like... sitting on a toilet seat? House: Absolutely. There would need to be a
guy sitting between you and the toilet seat, but yes, absolutely.
