Jociņi3

/Netulkkoju, jooo.. ja iztulkotu, pazustu joka jeega :)

A radio station was running a competition – words that weren’t in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.

DJ: “96 FM here, what’s your name?”

Caller: “Hi, my name’s Dave.”

DJ: “Dave, what’s your word?”

Caller: “Goan… spelt G-O-A-N pronounced ‘go-an’.”

DJ: “You are correct, Dave, ‘goan’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?”

Caller: “Goan fuck yourself!”

The DJ cut the caller off and took other calls, all unsuccessful until:

DJ: “96 FM, what’s your name?”

Caller: “Hi, me name’s Jeff.”

DJ: “Jeff, what’s your word?”

Caller: “Smee, spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced ’smee’.”

DJ: “You are correct, Jeff, ’smee’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?”

Caller: “Smee again! Goan fuck yourself!”

THE REASON I FIRED MY SECRETARY...

When I got up in the morning I wasn’t feeling very well, but I was hoping that my wife will sing Happy Birthday to me and probably give me a present. She didn’t even say “hello” though. The kids took breakfast without even noticing me.

I got to work depressed. When I came in, my secretary said “Happy Birthday” and she was very excited that it was my birthday. I felt a little better, at least she remembered.

It was a normal work day and none of my family and friends even called to say Happy Birthday. Before lunch, my secretary said:

- Why don’t we go eat together?

I told her it was the best thing I’ve heard all day and accepted.

We went to a nice intimate restaurant, ate and had fun. On the way to the office, she said:

- It’s such a special day, why don’t we go to my place instead of work, so we can drink a glass of wine. I said OK.

Once we got there, she said that she wants to slip into something more confortable and got in the bedroom.

“This will be an interesting experience” I thought.

She went into the bedroom and in a few moments came out with a huge cake with candles, followed by my wife, children, friends and parents, singing Happy Birthday.

And there I was on the bed, completely naked.

This is why I fired my secretary 2 weeks ago.

Some guy escapes from prison.

He enters a house and finds this couple in bed.

He asks the guy to stand up and he ties him to a chair, then, while tying the woman to the bed, he approaches her, kisses her on the neck, then stands up and goes to the bathroom.

The man says to the woman:

- Look at this criminal! He was probably in jail for years and didn’t see a woman in ages. I saw how he kissed you on the neck. If he wants sex, don’t fight him, give him satisfaction, even if you’re disgusted! He’s dangerous, if he gets mad he will kill us both. Be strong my darling! I love you!

The woman:

- He didn’t kiss me on the neck, he was whispering something in my ear. He told me that he’s gay and he thinks you’re cute, then he asked me if there’s any vaseline in the house. I told him it’s in the bathroom. Be strong darling! I love you too.

IN THE IMMIGRATION OFFICE

- Name? – Abdul Dalah Sarafi.

- Sex? – Four times a week.

- No, no, no… male or female? – Male, female… sometimes camel.

A man gets into an elevator. A few floors up, a women gets in. After a couple of floors, the woman stops the elevator, gives him a look, takes her blouse off, rips her bra and throws it on the floor.

- Come on, make me feel like a woman!

The man thinks for a few moments, takes his shirt off, throws it on the floor and says:

- Come on, wash it and dry it.

A Chinese family (Chu, Bu, Fu and Su) recently immigrated in the USA. To integrate better in the society, they have changed their names accordingly: Chu in Chuck, Bu in Buck. The Fu and Su sisters decided to return to China.