I say I'm not angry
I'm drowning inside
I see your relief, I feel sick
Does this disappointed smile truly
Your rejection that night
On the wet grass, under the bright stars
I prepared, hoped the best, when you said
"we need to talk"
Instead, I lost a friend
Jesus, it's the same rejection every time
you left, and I drowned
my clothes in the dew
My bare feet freezing, my soul crying
What a joyous, unknown feeling
While the thought may have crossed my lips once
Turns out friendship betrays more deeply than love
All these so-called friends
Peeling away, throughout my life
This state, this level of self-worth
It chains me
You should know-- you said you felt the same.
So when I say I'm not mad
You of all people should recognize….
I'm drowning! I feel sad…
You told me too much? Trusted me? Didn't deserve my presence?
How does an attitude like this get the upperhand in a friendship?
I hung onto your every word
To hear you laugh
Witness your rare smiles
I thought I could help you….. if I could only walk that extra mile
The horrors you shared,
your family's indifference
All contributors to your numbness.
It hurt to hear
Your insistent denial
of your own beautiful existence
You deny love
You deny help
And you deny friends
Or was that just me?
I wanted to know you!
That's why I listened
why I didn't judge
Or so I thought…
Because when you walked me outside
on the wet grass, under the bright stars?
You said the connection was gone.
I guess I went too far.
That night, I learned how deep a fling friendship could cut...
I guess this is karma, a learning experience.
But what life lesson did I pick up?
I rekindle the fire/you blow it out.
Third time's the charm.
I've figured it out.
Please, just prove me wrong!
I keep hoping you'll call.
More likely? I'll be left here to drown.