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I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?
Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
'To Start Press Any Key'. Where's the ANY key?
I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!
Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.