Nu jau otrā daļa melnā humora ar bildēm.
Ja interesē šeit ir pirmā daļa- http://www.spoki.lv/joki/Melnais-humors/314399
Baudiet un priecājaties.
Melnais humors 28
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I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut.
So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock.
That shut her up.
My girlfriend is a porn star.
She is going to be so pissed off when she finds out.
Reklāma
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub.
She says "Show me it's true what they say about black men".
So he stabs her and nicks her purse.
Now, I'm sure many of you have encountered little shits in supermarkets. Little kids running about and knocking things over, being rude, walking all over their parents, you know the kind. But the worst are the biters. Yes, those little cunts that feel it is okay to bite you whenever they feel like it.
Okay, here's the best part. A biter got me today when I was grocery shopping. He broke the fucking skin, too. This was when the gears started turning, the moment I saw a tiny sprickle of blood on the little shits teeth as he was grinning at me like the little cunt he is. I made my eyes get wide, and started screaming "SHIT! SHIT!." Now, my good friend, Tom we'll call him, was there too, and he instantly picked up on it. He started shouting "FUCK! MAYBE HE DIDN'T GET IT! FUCK!." By now, the kid is scared shitless and starts crying, and instantly, Mizz Mom appears out of nowhere and starts getting pissy at us for yelling at her kid.
Here's the kicker, I look her straight in the eye and say, "Miss, get your son tested as soon as possible, he just bit me and I'm, I'm FUCKING HIV POSITIVE."
And now there is silence. Not a peep in the entire store. The brat knows he just fucked up big time because his mum isn't defending his ass. She just stares at me wide eyed. I walk away from them, buy my shit from the wide eyed cashier, all the while blood is dripping from my calf, making a nice little trail on the floor. And, just as we leave, we start to hear the mother sobbing. Sobbing like the cunt she is.
I have never felt any more satisfaction than the moment I heard that sob.
Reklāma
When Barack Obama was giving his speech after being elected as president, he had to do it behind three inch thick bullet-proof glass.
I thought that was a bit harsh - just because he's black doesn't mean he's going to shoot anyone.
Ultimate phone prank:
1. Call the ChildLine number and say 'I've just dialed 1471 and this number came up, who is this?'
2. Operator replies 'you're through to ChildLine.'
3. You shout 'TERRY YOU LITTLE CUNT, NOT AGAIN....COME HERE YOU LITTLE BASTARD''. Before hanging up the phone.
So what if Jesus turned water into wine...I turned a whole student loan into Vodka once. Your move Jesus...
Reklāma
I don't know how you can make jokes about people dying or who are about to die.
My brother died on 9/11, when the twin towers were attacked - he left behind two little girls and a boy.
You lot have no idea of the pain his family goes through every time you mention that date.
Even if people don't visit this sick site, the jokes still continue and are passed around by text, so don't give me that "you shouldn't be looking at our site which is for depraved people like us", it doesn't lessen the grief.
My brother was a good man, it's such a shame that he got caught up in it all and that the FBI didn't question why he was taking flying lessons in the first place.
What do spinach and anal sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hate it as an adult.
