Chuck Norris has fake tits.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk, and prance around like a homo.
Chuck Norris loves to strike up meaningless conversations with single mothers long enough to finish his Virginia Slim cigarette, put it out in the child’s eye, and run away.
Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa her smile. It happened when she saw Chuck naked.
It was reported that Chuck Norris had given millions of dollars to AIDS research. After a thorough investigation, the reports were found to be false because Chuck had actually said, “I’ve given millions AIDS."
Chuck Norris was fired and arrested from his job at a Dallas Texas school after a video showed him smelling the football players jock straps. He was taken into custody oddly enough by a real Texas Ranger named Walker.
Chuck Norris’s shit is already packed.
The line “Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street” originated when Chuck Norris, nervous and eager to have sex with puppets, lost his way to the Sesame Street auditions.
Chuck Norris was once struck by a van, and miraculously revived at the hospital. His family sued the hospital.
To get enough protein to feed his muscles, Chuck Norris ejaculates directly into his mouth on an hourly basis. After a doctor told him that semen has virtually no protein in it and advised him to discontinue the practice, Chuck killed the man with his hardest roundhouse kick ever.
Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands. Now they are known as The Islands.
Chuck Norris’s rap career ended early when he found he couldn’t find a rhyme for “Duck."
Chuck Norris changed his name to Chuck Norris because Gaping Bloody Vagina seemed too “butch."
Chuck Norris wets his bed on a nightly basis because he likes the warm feeling.
Chuck Norris' IQ test came back negative. Most people thought he’d score lower.
Chuck Norris often joins beginner karate classes, just so that he can “accidentally” kick the shit out of little kids.
And on the third day God said, “Let there be light." Because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark.
Ray Charles once looked at Chuck Norris...and decided he’d rather never see again.
Chuck Norris loves hemorrhoids. He calls them “speed bumps."
Chuck Norris once decided to donate sperm, but Heath Ledger refused to take it.
Chuck Norris’ farts smell like Vaseline.
There are indeed horses hung like Chuck Norris. These horses die alone.
Chuck Norris once tried snorting Coke, but the ice cubes got stuck in his nose.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a midget and it burst into 25 gold coins. Chuck Norris was pissed off because you can’t have sex with 25 gold coins.
Chuck Norris got the main part in Broke Back Mountian 2. It got shot down a week later because of 6 actors getting injured in the 18 different sex scenes. Chuck Norris was on top.
Chuck Norris is too good for any woman. So he masturbates.
A shepherd once accidentally spilled his coffee on Chuck Norris' lap and refused to apologize. Chuck Norris went to the man's field and fucked every one of his sheep. Chuck Norris wasn't trying to get back at him, he just loves to fuck sheep.
If you yell "Chuck Norris" into the Grand Canyon, it echoes back "is a pussy."
Chuck Norris' milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.
Chuck Norris attempted to count to infinity. Backwards. He didn't know where to start.
Chuck Norris bet on Poland in both World Wars.
